Ten years ago or so a grant writer called me and shared a concern that his organization was in financial trouble. While he was being pressed to write a grant for new equipment to the foundation where I work, he felt that the organization would probably close soon regardless of whether it received a grant for equipment. His fear was that if a grant was awarded and the organization closed a month later he would look bad and that this could affect grants he might write on behalf of future employers.

While this was a rare case, and perhaps one that rates a discussion about ethics, the basic issue touches on a key question: What does it mean to build a relationship with a funder?

Does it mean we should all on each other’s Christmas card lists or does is mean something else?

I read two interesting articles recently about grant making and grant makers. Both originated with the National Committee for Responsible Philanthropy, and both focused on the idea of building relationships with funders. And it’s a topic that I’m asked about often.

To me, the real answer lies in building good professional relationships. As a funder that means I need to treat you with respect, as an equal, and to give you the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. It also means that I should always seek to guide you in ways that are constructive and to steer you away from pitfalls whenever possible.

It means that sometimes I need to be honest and tell you I don’t know the answer. I must never forget to keep upmost in your mind that I, as a foundation staff person, am not the final decision-maker. I may often be the person you deal with, but ultimately my role is to help you provide the information that gives my foundation’s decision-makers a fair and thorough look at your proposals and plans.

What do I need from you in return?

A good professional relationship is built on three attributes: expertise, trust, and follow-through.

You can be an invaluable source, and advocate, for the community you represent. That community may be geographic, ethnic, demographic, or defined in some other way. However you define your community, you should know both how your organization serves your community’s needs as well as understanding other factors that influence the community.

Assuming you have an expertise to share I want to know that you are willing to be evenhanded and fair in representing that knowledge. Communities are not always of one mind about how to address issues. If there are a couple of competing points of view you should be willing to share that with me as a funder. Certainly your organization will have its point of view, and its reasons why it favors that view, but you undermine our ability to work together if you fail to acknowledge a controversy that may be lingering under the surface.

Finally, follow through is not just about doing things as you said you would do them. Many times plans must change because things change. Good follow through is more about keeping a funder abreast of the action. If you see that a change is going to be needed, contact the funder early. Let the funder know why a change is needed and, if required, ask for permission to make that change.

Relationships take time; sometimes they move quickly while other times they take a long time. You are representing both yourself and your organization when you work with a funder. And while you may change jobs, and organizations, your personal reputation stays with you.

I hope you never have to face a dilemma such as the one I cited at the opening of this post. But it is good to remember that both you and your organization can be enriched by the quality of your interaction with funders; just as I hope funders see their organizations enriched by how we treat fund seekers.